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This brings me joy

Love by Alexander Milov

I’d like to share a story that brings me joy.

This year, I have been working with a mother-son team.

The mom, a high-achieving self-made businesswoman, came to me because she was tired of the constant fights with her 18-year-old son, the tension, the frustration, and their inability to really connect.

She wanted to better understand her son’s rage and learn how to communicate more efficiently.

After working with her for a couple of weeks, the situation started to change. Over the next few months, she kept increasing her awareness, started listening more, and became able to identify triggers and old patterns that were the underlying cause of conflict.

She continuously made subtle yet important changes to her communication style and became less reactive.

She let go of wanting to control his every move, and he started to loosen up.

A good 6 months later, her son asked to work with me as well as he was curious to learn what his mom and I were doing. 

The most rewarding moments as a coach are when a coachee has an aha moment during a session and asks for a moment to integrate.

Recently, while working with him, something magical happened: He finally linked many of the things we have worked on during the past 4 months and all of a sudden said:

“Seve!!! Now I get it… everything does begin and end with me!!”

He also came clean and stated:

“I think I enjoy making my mom angry…. but I realize that I do this to get her full attention. “

I feel so proud of my 19-year-old coachee as he has come a long way.
Both he and his mom are now able to recognize their triggers, better control and manage their emotions, own them, and take responsibility for their actions.

They are both communicating their needs and feelings in a clear and effective way, which has led to both of them understanding each other better and them being able to really work as a team.

They have come a very long way. And I am grateful to be a witness to that evolution.

My wish for you is that you too can #connect and #communicate with clarity with your #team at home, and at work, so you can all feel understood, supported, and at peace.

Happy holidays and a communicative 2023 to all!

#communication#change#love#lovemywork

Love by Alexander Milov

credits: Image by AeroZakaz Аэрозаказ – Sculpture by Alexander Milov from Ukraine for Burning Man in 2015

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Dealing with the holidays.

And more specifically with the emotions that get triggered.

And more specifically with the emotions that get triggered.

As a child, I would love the holidays, the family dinners, the fireplace, the surprises, the extra attention and the gifts, the midnight mass with my grandparents, and hot cocoa at midnight.

As a teen and young adult, those family dinners sometimes turned into a stressful event, with pressure to get dinner right, heated discussions after one too many glasses of wine, slamming doors, and forced coziness due to all the friction in the air.

As an adult, I actually spent a few of them alone (on purpose) not wanting to participate because I did not feel in congruence.

Until my late husband came along. He was so excited about setting up the tree, finding gifts for everyone, and getting together with friends and family….

His childlike excitement was contagious and I did not want to spoil his joy. So I set my grinch aside and allowed the joy to take over instead.

This is the second holiday season since he passed.

And I have conflicting feelings.

To celebrate or not … that is the question.

I choose to celebrate.

The joy and gratitude I feel over the sadness that squeezes my heart at night.
The fact that I am near my family and get to spend precious time with them, period.

Dealing with contradicting emotions can be rough.
I allow them to exist.
I acknowledge the sadness, the missing, the pain.
I give myself permission to feel all of that and have a good cry.

And then I literally count my blessings.
All the things I am grateful for.
The opportunities that life has given me over the past 18 months.
To grow, to become stronger, to love myself, my daughter, my family, and my friends even more.
To find new challenges.
To find joy every day.
To live life with the awareness that every day is a gift.

It is not easy.

But the smile our little tree brings to my daughter’s face is worth the effort of resisting my urge not to set it up at all.

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Clarity and Boundaries

When our emotions are involved we tend to lose clarity.
We get caught up in our own narrative and lose track of our healthy boundaries.

Being able to see clearly is key for us to make the right choices… Choosing what is right for us not necessarily is right for those around us but when you are clear on what you want, the choices come easier.

I am a firm believer of the fact that everything starts and ends with me. Therefore I make sure I have clarity on what I want and I take that with me in all of my relationships as it allows me to set healthy boundaries.

As a clarity coach I help my clients see, feel and know what they want in all areas of life.

Once that is clear, I then accompany them in setting the boundaries and support them in creating an action plan to work toward their goals.

With clarity, boundaries and an action plan in place there is no more room for overwhelm.

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Are you a parent, teacher, or caregiver?

If you are a parent, teacher or caregiver… keep reading

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your “parenting/teaching” job?
Are you running out of tools when it comes to tantrums, getting your child, teen, or students to do certain tasks?
Is your child acting out, does the volume of your conversations go up too often?
Have you thought about giving up on parenting?
I have!

A little over 9 years ago I was about to give up on being a mom all together.

Luckily a friend showed me the way to a class on conscious parenting. This 6-week course provided me the tools to forever change my relationship with my now 13-year old daughter. And, thanks to these teachings, I gained plenty of insights, understanding, and a shift of consciousness that took me to where I am at right now.

So, I am happy to share that I now have a harmonious and communicative relationship with my daughter. She is still a teen and she still does teen-stuff. However, I am equipped with the tools and the ability to handle these sporadic situations calmly and consciously.

In addition, for the past 4 years, I have been teaching the Parent Talk System, providing other moms and dads, grandparents, and teachers alike with the 21 tools that have empowered me to become a better mom.

I will be happy to share these tools with you.

Join me starting the first week of the new year 2021 for the 6-week Parent Talk System course that will uplift you into the next level of parenting.

As a bonus, you will receive a 30-minute private coaching session and a follow-up group session for Q&A after we finish. Also, if you enroll this week, you will receive a free introductory workshop on The Power of Words this coming Saturday, December 12, 2021

Click here to know more or sign up now

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The power of words

I am excited to share this FREE two-hour workshop on the Power of Words with you.

If you are a mom, dad, grandparent, educator, and/or you wish to improve your communication skills, then this workshop is for you.

The Power of Words - Free Conscious Parenting Introductory Workshop
The Power of Words – Free Conscious Parenting Introductory Workshop

Join me Sept. 19, 2020, at 10 am CST via zoom. (to gain access, please sign up)

In this workshop, we will explore how to detect our inherited language patterns and I will guide you through an exercise so that you can identify the labels that have been key in your life, so you can choose to keep them or change them.

This workshop will provide you with an introduction to conscious parenting and is FREE for all of those who wish to learn more about how to communicate effectively with everyone around us.

Limited spots available – sign up here – you will receive an email with the login credentials for this session.

https://www.severinenaessens.com/POW

Bring a notebook, and if possible at least 10 labels, a pen, colors, or markers to work with.

See you on Saturday!

Should you have any questions, feel free to reach out!

contact me here

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Taking flight

Recently, I received notice that a collaboration I highly value and treasure, is about to come to an end.

I was at a loss, went on a roller coaster ride of emotions from disappointment, to disbelief, and grief, experiencing restlessness, sleeplessness, and a full-blown central nervous system overload.

Looking for something to hold onto, I spent several days in a deep, dark gigantic void.
I felt lost as if the ground had been taken away from underneath me,
as if a chunk of my purpose had been ripped apart.

And when I finally let go, I had a breakthrough!
I realized that this ending is only a new beginning,
a grand gift to my purpose and a huge push in the back to take a leap.

A leap of faith to take all the wisdom I have received that lead to a massive personal development for me these past 8 years and put all of it to work to create and serve on my own.

I am deeply humbled by this insight and feel deeply grateful for yet another stepping stone in my professional life.

Words cannot begin to describe the gratitude and respect I feel for my mentor, friend, and ally who has gifted me an ocean of wisdom, a mountain of support, and who has been a beacon of light pointing me back to my faith.

The time has come for me to spread my wings and fly higher and further than I have ever gone.

I have been writing, drawing up a blueprint, and creating a new format, a program that will contain the elements that in my experience contribute to Efficient Living.

The name for this particular program had been there for a few weeks already, it is only now that I realize that the invitation to contribute to a TV network and developing 17 topics to present, was the first cornerstone of what is coming through now.

And I want to honor that it was the same mentor who suggested the name that entails all that I have to offer.

Through the Efficient Living Program I will serve by applying the skills that I personally use daily to generate Focus, Clarity, and Action to create a more balanced and efficient life:
– Communication
– Mindset
– Structure

If you too are a high achiever, you absolutely LOVE
to be professionally active and you ADORE your family and
friends, but it has become hard for you to find balance, I can help.

Whether it is your business, your family, your personal development, or a
combination of all of them you want to find clarity in, I will be happy to support
you, guide you and pass on the tools that have helped me along the way.

Let me know how I can help – book a free 30 min coaching
call with me today

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𝗕𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗧𝗼 𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗰𝘀 – LOVE

𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴

As a 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁, teaching kids about love is key.
The love for themselves, for others, for the planet.
It used to be hard for me to say “I LOVE YOU”. It is something we did not hear at home, not that we were not loved, we were and are deeply loved.

However not hearing the expression, left us wondering as kids.

One of the most important things I learned is the importance to say “I LOVE YOU” to my child, a HEARTFELT expression of the unconditional love I truly feel for her.

Tell your loved ones, tell them you love them often.

And you Will be showered with “I love you” in the most unexpected moments.

“Love is honesty. Love is mutual respect for one another.”
― Simone Elkeles, Leaving Paradise

This is one of the most important, if not the most important lesson I learned through 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 developed by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

If you want to know more and receive the 21 tools from The Parent Talk System, that have helped me turn my life around as a mom, visit the section on my website to find out what it is all about.

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Back To Basics – Respect

𝗕𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗧𝗼 𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗰𝘀
𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴

𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙏

Respect for the opinión of others, for the different abilities, for their way, for their speed of learning, for their decisions, for their convictions… in short… respect for who they are and how they express themselves.

Treat others with respect and you will be treated equally… we have heard it plenty of times, but do we really practice it?

  • Are we respectful towards our children?
  • Do we really speak to them with respect?
  • Do we treat them with respect?

As a 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁, respect is about setting boundaries, implementing consequences, teaching our children to be respectful of their own body, to respect the other’s opinions and care for others with respect.

For me this understanding came about 8 years ago

when I received 𝟮𝟭 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 though 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 developed by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

If you want to know more and receive the 21 tools from The Parent Talk System, that have helped me turn my life around as a mom, join me on April 15 for the online course

We will connect during 6 weeks for 2 hour live sessions and you will receive group coaching during these 6 weeks and 6 weeks after as you implement these tools

Visit https://severinenaessens.com/parenttalk-eng/ to learn more and since we’re all in “basic economy mode”, feel free to use the #SteppingUp coupon to get a 50% scholarship, that one is on me to support you.

with Respect and Love

Séverine